I've been thinking about how to write a post about the end of this wild and crazy year for a while now. And then I ran across this interview with David Lynch.
"There is that expression, 'Man has control of action alone, never the
fruit of the action.' So you better enjoy the doing of a thing and not
worry about the outcome."
And I realized: that sums it up perfectly.
I spent almost two years anticipating 2012: the year my debut book was published. And now that it has come and gone I can safely say it was one of the most exhilarating but also most gut-wrenching years of my life.
The fact of the matter is that having a life-long dream come true can be a double-edged sword. It's been joyous and exciting. But this is also real life (not the world of fiction I so love to get lost in), and nothing comes without its downsides. Finding out the downsides of a pristine dream can be gutting. And, at times, I felt like I had my dream swept out from from under me.
Even though getting published is amazing, it also doesn't change much of my everyday writing life. I still need to work a full-time job and write on my off time. I still have the same amount of rejections to deal with (maybe even more since there is now a new bonus level: professional and reader reviews). I still have to work through all of that to create something publishable.
But I've been very slowly relearning something I used to know before all this publishing brouhaha came into play: I write because I love it and because it is a part of me. As Mr. Lynch says, it's the enjoying of the thing itself. That is all I can control and that is all I can ever count on.
So my new dream? Is to get back to that. Writing so that I can be the best version of me, so that I can get these voices out of my head and create, create, create. The rest is the fruit. It's tasty and all, but it cannot be my goal. I'm just not programmed that way.
So what are my final words to this soul-searching year? I'm grateful to you, 2012. And I'm grateful to you, whoever and wherever you are, for being here and reading.
Happy, happy holidays to you and here's to a very happy, healthy and exciting new year!