On Depression

I actually wrote this post in March and waffled a lot about whether to post it. In the end, I chose not to. But then now--this week--it seemed like maybe it was time to post it anyway. Robin Williams, I am thinking of you and your family, and wishing things were different...

I've been thinking about Ned Vizzini a lot lately.

I never met him, but we had many things in common. Ned was the same age as me. He grew up in the neighborhood I now live in and I would see his name on workshop posters at my local Barnes & Noble a lot. We had friends in common. We both wrote MG and YA books (though he did it a lot more successfully and prolifically).

Something else we had in common: suffering from clinical depression. I unfortunately have to use the past tense here not because I no longer suffer from depression, but because Ned lost his battle with his in December. He died just a few blocks away from where I live.

Somehow, all the clichés you hear about depression are true. Though, I guess, that tends to be the thing about clichés, doesn't it? That it's like a fog. That it's like drowning. It's not sadness, not really. Everyone experience sadness, grief, bad feelings. But those things usually have a source; they are feelings that can be linked to events. Long-term depression is like churning magma, always there, just waiting to be prodded into roaring life by sometimes the slightest disturbance. It's not terribly logical. It lurks like a thief, in the unexpected corners of your mind, popping up when you're not looking and pilfering away your joy slowly. So that you don't even notice it ebbing away until suddenly you feel completely hollow. By then, sometimes it's too late.

The way J.K. Rowling wrote about it, disguising it as how dementors make you feel, I always thought was entirely accurate. Two of my favorite (and, incidentally, funniest) pieces of writing on it come from the immensely talented Allie Brosh and can be found here and here. There are so many talented people who have written so eloquently about it, actually. I don't think it's much of a coincidence that a lot of writers, and creative people in general, suffer from it. I think the same neurons that nurture imagination and creativity, that have one foot in a made-up world, are the ones that are most inclined to turn on you in this way.

I've never written publicly about my depression before. In fact, I rarely ever talk about it. I can probably count on one hand the number of people who even know, empirically, that I've been diagnosed with it. I can list the reasons I've been so quiet about it, even though it's been a through-line of much of my life: I've been embarrassed and ashamed. I didn't want to be perceived as weak. I didn't want it to define me. It didn't really seem like anybody's business... I can list lots of reasons, actually. And very few to be writing this blog post.

Except, I think of people like Ned and like L'Wren Scott...and now Robin. Also people like David Foster Wallace, Kurt Cobain, Sylvia Plath, John Kennedy Toole, Nick Drake...such a long list of people who have battled and, just one day, were not able to win. Countless more whose names I don't know but who suffered just as much. And I think...maybe it's time we talk about it more. Maybe it's time I talk about it more, as a real illness, not as a weakness or a character defect.

So there it is. Me, coming clean. I know I'm not alone. And if you, reading this, suffer from depression too, I just want you to know that you aren't either.

A Manuscript of Firsts

There's something I tend to do with almost any writing project I've ever embarked upon and that is to try something new. It can be something as all-encompassing as a new genre or medium, or something as small as a different POV or tense.

Part of the reason is a purposeful focus on craft. Trying out new things and seeing what works (and what doesn't) is, I think, the only way to continuously grow and get better. Part of the reason is that different stories just call for different things. And another part of the reason is that it's just plain fun to try something I've never done before.

Not surprisingly, then, Three Day Summer is a manuscript of firsts for me. It is:

- my first completed YA manuscript. I loved focusing on teenaged characters and all of the inherent conflicts that they would have. Coming-of-age stories have been one my very favorite genres since I can remember, and to dive into writing one was extraordinarily fun.

- my first historical novel. Not only that, but it took place in an era that I have long had a huge affinity for (I'm talking about since I was 8-years-old). So researching it was a total blast. And, I'm going to be honest, was my primary reason for starting to write the book.

- my first book told from dual first-person POVs. It was challenging and fun to get into the different characters' heads, move the story along, and make sure they each had their own distinctive voices.

- actually my first book written in first-person at all.

- my first book written in present tense. Which it wasn't initially, until I was about 150 pages into the first draft and realized that it needed to be. Changing tenses in the middle of a draft? That was definitely a first, too (and though I was annoyed at the discovery at the time, I really think present tense ties into the themes of the book so much better).

- my first time writing from the first-person POV of a boy. I have long suspected that being a boy would be sooooo much more fun. I can definitely confirm that writing from the perspective of one was.


I have to say that I'm pretty proud and happy with all I've learned from all these firsts...and I hope that they ultimately make for an enjoyable read!

And the Title of the New Book Is...

We have a title!

Ready?

I'm really happy to announce that my upcoming YA novel will be called..Three Day Summer!

And because I didn't share all of this info before, here is the full pitch:

Three Day Summer is about two teens whose lives are forever changed when they meet for a weekend of music and romance during the biggest music festival the world has ever seen, pitched as Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist meets Bridget Jones, with hippies.

What do you think of the title?

New Book News!

I don't think I can fully express how excited I am to finally share this news so, without further ado...

Okay, one ado...this photo:

#96243785 / gettyimages.com

Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers will be publishing my new YA novel! We're still searching for a perfect title, but I can tell you that it's my Woodstock love story pitched as Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist meets Bridget Jones. It's got hippies! And music! And humor! And romance! It was honestly the most fun I ever had writing a book and I am beyond thrilled to finally get to share it with you.

So many, many thanks to my agent Victoria Marini and my new editor Dani Young. I cannot wait to work with the team at S&S. And I absolutely cannot wait for you to finally get to read this one...currently slated for Summer 2015!

XOXO

The Best Question I Ever Got Asked

I did a school visit today and I got asked a lot of amazing questions (because 4th and 5th graders always ask the best questions, no lie)...but there was one that really made me pause. In fact, I think it might be one of the best philosophical questions I've ever gotten asked.

We were talking about reviews, and one student asked me: "If you know you're going to get bad reviews, why would you even show anyone your work?"

Wow. What a perfect question. The funny thing is, when I was her age, I would never have even thought about showing my work to anybody. Even though it was my dream to "publish a book," I kept all my writing to myself. In fact, I didn't show anything to anyone until I had to submit a short story to get into my undergrad film program. And then, as it turned out, I got thrown into the deep end at film school where, of course, you're constantly making work to get critiqued. (And thank goodness for that. I may not have a very thick skin still, but it's much thicker than it would have been without it.)

So...why do I? My response wasn't that bad reviews don't bother me. Or that it doesn't matter what someone who doesn't like my book says. Because none of those would be entirely true--though I have learned to not be personally affronted by them (for the most part...). In essence, I had to think about why I tell stories, really. I tell them for myself, yes, but I also tell them in the hopes that they can be shared. That in the midst of writing them, I will happen upon some truth that means something to me but that, hopefully, means something to someone else too. That's what books have always done for me. That's what I always aspire for mine to do. And that's what makes it worth it.

How would you answer that question?

Books I Love: High and Dry

I've been immersing myself in Veronica Mars for the past month. As a die-hard fan of the original show, of course I jumped at the chance to join the Kickstarter campaign last year to get the film on the big screen. As you likely know, that campaign was a huge success, shattering records left and right and, most importantly, resurrecting my beloved Veronica (and Logan, let's face it).

After I saw the movie in theaters, I rewatched the whole series, then watched the movie again, and then read the book that just came out (The Thousand-Dollar Tanline). Like I said: immersive!

But what's a Veronica Mars fan to do while she impatiently waits for the second book (and, hopefully, a Veronica Mars 2 movie*cough*Rob Thomas*cough*...)? Might I recommend picking up Sarah Skilton's just-released High & Dry?

Several years ago, I went on a noir kick, reading classics from the likes of Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler and Mickey Spillane. I discovered so much nuance to this genre--the language, the prototypical characters and, of course, the mysteries. I really got into it--especially the hard-boiled private dick speak, see? I found the genre almost otherworldly in its depictions and yet, so wildly fun to read.

This is why I think High and Dry is particularly a work of genius. It takes noir to the world of contemporary high school (much like VM did), dives in headfirst, and totally works. It's a deeply stylized book that examines the seedy underbelly of its setting in exactly the same way Hammett and Spillane would. Yet, despite this stylization, it remains so truthful to the darker side of high school life. And, of course, it has a wonderful mystery at its center. (Also, I am now going to fully admit that when I first read this, I totally imagined main character Charlie as Logan Echolls. Which upped the smoldering/dreamy factor for me. You are welcome to steal this visualization).

Give it a whirl. And, if you like it and haven't had a chance to read The Thin Man or The Big Sleep yet, I would wholeheartedly recommend them, too.

Write Like Nobody Is Reading

Hi friends,

I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here and still plugging away. Speaking of plugging, I just started recapping Orphan Black, one of my favorite current TV shows, for Tuesday Night Movies. You can find my first recap here. After a brief hiatus next week (I'll be on vacation), I should be recapping them on a weekly basis.

Also, I've made a vow to stop neglecting my blog. My biggest problem over the past year or so has been trying to figure out what to write about. But I think I'm going to take that "dance like nobody is watching" adage for a spin and write like nobody is reading. By which I mean, I'll write whatever I want and stop feeling so anxious about it (not that I'm not grateful for anybody who is deigning to read this, because I am. And, hi!) So stay tuned here for stuff about movies, books, television, and general geekery that I am currently obsessing over.